condolences concerning your recent vote

Brannegan,
I hope this letter finds you well, knowing the mental anguish from which you are suffering due to your most unfortunate vote casting. Impulsivity is a cruel mistress who can only be tamed with the utmost discipline and years of practice. Please know that your ballot cannot be rescinded, but take solace in the fact that I have always had suspicions concerning where your affinities lay, and they have now, much to my pleasure, been confirmed. So, as you fret and worry about the opinion being pinned upon you due to your vote, step back from the mirror and concern yourself only with how happy I am that once again I am correct about something.
(Copied from a recent e-mail to Brannegan)

I can make you thin. . . really?

apparently this is a real show. While the tittle is incredibly creative and witty, I think the subject matter could use some tweaking. Where are the shows like "I Can Make You Mildly Uncomfortable", or "I Will Give You Food Poisoning", or "I Can Eat 40 Corn Dogs"? I would most certainly watch any one of those shows in a heartbeat. Media moguls, don't try to steal my ideas please, I've already developed a pilot for "I Will Give You Food Poisoning" and it is hilarious. Vomit-packed and hilarious.

What is wrong with me?

Yup, I did it. I started a blog. Its already pretty much the best thing I've ever done- ever. They said I would never do it; that a mans dreams don't amount to a hill of beans in this town; but I proved them all wrong. All of them.