ete and the letter .

ete,

I am writing to exress my dissaointment in you not resonding to my ring on 9.6.8. You would have had one of the most amazing days of your life. Now you may never know what an amazing time Mr. Cassidy, Mr. Morris, Buck, and myself had with Hannah, the hurricane. I hoe you're doing well. We miss you, and are rearing to buy a blow u doll with a face that favors yours, so we can have you with us even in your absence.

This keyboard is missing the letter .

Your friend and cohort

**It should be noted that Mr. Cassidy's keyboard has no letter P. Any apparent typos are simply a by-product of his inability to be conventional in any setting or fashion (i.e., posessing a computer that can only print Ps after cut and paste)**

El Federale

I like arresting illegal immigrants and shaving the Batman symbol into my body hair.

Mr. Tango

I mostly just tell myself that everything is going to be alright. . . and I smell my own armpits by tucking my head into my shirt. It's my thing. Its for fun.

Ol' Swampy

Inspiration for "The Ballad of Ol' Swampy"

Guacamole Jones

I eat guacamole daily. Because I can.

We're getting started. Fo sho'.

Ms. Guava

My interests are mostly based on the fact that I mace people for no good reason. So my interests are mace, mace propulsion devices, and innocent people who I can use those items on. I also like ham.

The faces will arrive first; then the fridges. Please study them and ask yourself "What does he eat?" or "Is her pink complexion, like the flamingo, attributed to her love of steamed shrimp?"

Its Coming, and When It Gets Here, Watch The Frig Out

That's right. I've received some pictures and am waiting on a few more, but when they get here, its on. Thanks to the Bonnie and the two Petes for their photos. Ciao.

Suggestions worthy of recognition and praise

Peter Brannegan said...
I like it... Can we also vote for the best fridge? And is there a t-shirt offer somewhere in there?

Pete, as per our conversation this evening, I think a vote for best fridge is most certainly in order. The T-shirt will have a picture of me, in a costume of my choosing, eating cold spaghetti, left over chicken, hard boiled eggs, or whatever the winner of each respective contest has festering in their refrigerator, with the caption (compliments of Mr. Brannegan) Whose Fridge? My Fridge! Now all we have to do is wait. Thanks for the input, Pete!

Whose Fridge?

Pete,
I also have an idea, which of course will be amazing and inspire young upstarts everywhere to waste their time pumping out pale imitations of what was spawned by my creative genius and intellectual prowess. Its called Whose Fridge? Your Fridge!
The idea is this. First, I am allowed complete access to you fridge. I am allowed to eat, drink, make fun of the generic products you purchase (e.g., "Kraft is soo much better than Americas Choice, can't you spend the extra 50 cents?), photograph and upload to my blog. I will also take your photograph. Visitors to the blog will be allowed to post opinions about whose refrigerator matches whose face. Once I have enough refrigerators and mug shots the game can begin. I am asking pictures to be e-mailed, or for an open invitation to stop by and check your fridge out. I will show up personally, in costume in order to maintain my anonymity. Please see the photos in the posting for the general idea. One point I need to stress is that photos will be taken only from the neck up. Photographs that include the body may give viewers an unfair advantage.

Facelift

Yes, the blog has received a face-lift, and even as my fingers bang this message out with the accuracy of hot dogs pressing cell phone keys, I am aware that my blog, not unlike the hangman's root from which the homunculus springs, has developed a life of its own. A life of snarky commentary and poor poetry, not unlike the life of the average hipster. So, as if justification was necessary, the blog has undergone this change because:
The page and font were too dark, making it difficult to read
The color scheme, while appealing, made little sense in keeping with the ideas of form and
function
It was a bit depressing
The lighter color makes for a more uplifting viewing experience
It was time for a change
A foolish consistency. . .

since everyone else is writing poems. . .

steeped and thorny on tongues
lapped from greedy hand to greedy mouth
brought on great steam ships
their billowing smoke blowing the bony ashes of their captains
whose nautical maps have turned to dust

untraceable
unreadable
altogether useless

like thorn tempered tongues
lapping greedily from a greedy hand
to a greedy mouth

Does a Peter Poop In The Woods??

Yes. Yes he does. The camping trip this weekend was a complete success, complete with Chartreuse hangover, missing tent poles and a urine soaked mattress. The phrase "urine soaked mattress" has the perfect amount of syllables to begin a haiku with. . .

Urine soaked mattress
Breakfast quesadilla blues
If you go, go Strohs

24 hours in 17 syllables.

Happy April Fools Day; your fly is down.

Now that that's out of the way, I hope everyone had a very fine first day of April, a month that holds many distinctions, but the greatest of all must be as the shared birth month of William Shakespeare and the guy who played Horshack on "Welcome Back, Kotter". I hope that like Horshack your month is spent being blissfully ignorant of your own annoying tendencies and grating personality, and like Shakespeare, in pursuit of intellectual and artistic conquests. Welcome Back, April. Welcome back, Welcome back, Welcome baaaaack.

condolences concerning your recent vote

Brannegan,
I hope this letter finds you well, knowing the mental anguish from which you are suffering due to your most unfortunate vote casting. Impulsivity is a cruel mistress who can only be tamed with the utmost discipline and years of practice. Please know that your ballot cannot be rescinded, but take solace in the fact that I have always had suspicions concerning where your affinities lay, and they have now, much to my pleasure, been confirmed. So, as you fret and worry about the opinion being pinned upon you due to your vote, step back from the mirror and concern yourself only with how happy I am that once again I am correct about something.
(Copied from a recent e-mail to Brannegan)

I can make you thin. . . really?

apparently this is a real show. While the tittle is incredibly creative and witty, I think the subject matter could use some tweaking. Where are the shows like "I Can Make You Mildly Uncomfortable", or "I Will Give You Food Poisoning", or "I Can Eat 40 Corn Dogs"? I would most certainly watch any one of those shows in a heartbeat. Media moguls, don't try to steal my ideas please, I've already developed a pilot for "I Will Give You Food Poisoning" and it is hilarious. Vomit-packed and hilarious.

What is wrong with me?

Yup, I did it. I started a blog. Its already pretty much the best thing I've ever done- ever. They said I would never do it; that a mans dreams don't amount to a hill of beans in this town; but I proved them all wrong. All of them.